Just Living

My life...well, it's been crazy these past few months. I must admit that things have sort of calmed down a bit now that I am not leaving in June for NZ. Calmed down at least in my head, but is that really good? Before, I found myself on my face in front of God, desperate for Him, relying on His sufficiency alone, giving up all of myself because I just couldn't do it anymore. Now?...well, now I am fully self-dependent again, only that's not a good thing. My mind and soul are sort of in that floating, indifferent state...not really happy, but not really sad. Just getting through life with all the ups and downs, trying my best, but it's not really going anywhere. Why? Because I've lost my source of strength, sufficiency, pure joy. Not really lost...just not embracing. So here I am, on my blog spilling my thoughts, not really caring if they make sense or not, but it's me, real and raw. Why this battle, why fight? Am I worth fighting for? Questions we all ask ourselves...in many different circumstances. And then a small pin-like stream of light enters the darkness...ah yes, I start to remember...a love that transcends all understanding, a battle begun in the dawn of creation, one perfect warrior fighting for my honor. Inside a voice whispers ever so softly, "Remember...Remember..." I look down as if on the edge of a cliff, darkness swirling below me, the other side leading to who knows where, but desperately knowing it's where I should be. The leap of faith...like something out of Indiana Jones...do I dare take that step...what if...what if? But the joy and peace in just the glimmer of memories brought to my mind drives me. I lean forward, my heart beating wildly...it is time to embrace once again.

Winds of Change

Hey all! Quick update on my life. Nigel, the TSCF National Director was just in town this last weekend. We had a good chat...it was great to have him face to face for a bit. I told him how stressed I was about leaving in less than 2 months with all the visa application stuff, support raising, sorting out all my stuff at home, saying good bye to everyone and letting work know I was leaving. He was so very understanding...phew, a relief to get it all out. He told me that the next thing he wants me at is SLC, the Student Life Conference held in mid Nov. Some of you may recall that I was in NZ last Nov, I went to SLC and had my "interview" then. So...I will not be leaving at the end of June. I will continue to work at the Cheesecake Factory during the summer, hanging out with friends and waiting on my visa as I continue to raise support. My goal is to 100% funded by the time I leave, so you can all be praying for that. I am not sure of the exact month I will leave, but looking at late Aug sometime. As my friends Jeff and Jane Pelz say (they're also moving to NZ from Chicago) July would be a miracle, August is great, September is probable. So for all you who are in the area...we have more time! YAY!! I still plan on spending time in Cali before I leave, so I will keep you posted on those dates. Would love to hear from you all. Take care.