Waiting

by dauntless111 Kapiti Coast New Zealand (thanks to dauntless111)

Currently I am trying to decide between 3 amazing options of what I should do for the next season of my life. All are good, all I would be disappointed in not doing...it's my mentality of "I want to do it ALL!" Alas, that is not possible...at least all at the same time, timing is the thing and so to do one means not to do the other...at least not now, but maybe in the future. Ah, how my heart is torn...I long to make the decision and move forward, to get on with my life, but God is stretching my heart, shaping it and moulding while I wait. While in Glasgow, we read this great book called Authentic Faith by Gary Thomas. My friend Sarah who was there with me had recently picked it up and read it again. She called me, saying I should take a look at it again as there was a chapter on waiting...a place where she and I are at right now. So I read it...in pieces and actually just finished it today. Good stuff, things I needed to hear for what is going on in my life at the moment.

"Waiting is the oxygen of love; it is the virtue that gives love its sustaining power."

"Perhaps God has given you a vision that burns in your soul. Initially, you received the call with excitement and enthusiasm, but now it’s been several months, or even years, and you feel like the beginning of that work has never been farther away. What attitude will you have as time goes on? Will you take comfort from God while you wait, learning the lessons God wants you to learn, or will begin accusing God of playing games with you? Remember this: God is not merely concerned with results but also with character-and few things produce character like learning how to wait. Paul's three cardinal virtues-faith, hope and love-are all built on the foundation of patient waiting."

"Wait on him with a spirit of humility, abandonment, with contentment and resignation."

All these portions had great impact on me...especially the longer one. Releasing my dreams that God has given me to make room for waiting, which is the foundation of faith, hope and love. What attitude have I had during this time...it ranges from waiting to busyness to apathy. I desire my character to be developed...isn't what this time here in the States was all about...taking care of me emotionally, spiritually, developing me to further the kingdom of God?! I have often failed in waiting, maybe for a time doing it, but getting so anxious about keeping going, moving and doing rather than being.
How perfect...the song "I will wait" by Jason Upton just came up on my iPod. The words..."I will wait on you Jesus, you're the sun in my horizon. All my hope's in you Jesus, I can see the sun arising." That was the chorus. One of the verses, "An evil army all around me, another wall gets in the way. But I believe the words you promised me, so I will wait another day." Those words start to bring tears to my eyes...

Birthday...another year older

So I turned 27 today and Matt turned 25...yeah for those who don't know we were born on the same day! I love you Matty...can't wait to see you as a father and it has been a privilege to see you as a husband. Miss you lots, looking forward to what God does in your life this next year. As for me, this last year was a hard one, emotionally, transitionally, trying to figure out what's next. It was a growing year, one of developing more character, more dependence on God, more realization of who I am as a person. I have started to see a counsellor, actually been going for almost 3 months now. It's been an amazing time to continue to work out things in my life that had started when I was in Glasgow, but never really finished, I guess it will never be though. I have found that there are so many dimensions to my soul...you think you will be done with one issue, but ha! something is waiting just around the corner. Looking back on this last year I am remimded that God was still so present during every moment, though it may not have felt like it. As this next year starts, I get the feeling it will be filled with new adventures unlike anything I have every experienced. I still consider myself young, in life, in ministry, but I am thankful that God has captured my heart now. My prayer for this next year of my life is to just BE and take a break from overly DOING, for it is there that I can live my life not for myself but for One greater than me.